I Am A Zombie

chat

1: hi

2: hellp

1: whats wrong?

2: nothing, that was meant to be hello

1: wait there. i'm coming over as soon as i can. it's going to be okay

Body

My arm is the shape of a boomerang.
I pull off my arm
and fling it.
It comes back and hits me in the head.

I shave off my beard.
I make a voodoo doll.
I stick my beard onto the voodoo doll.
I grow a beard.

At the counter at the supermarket
I ask the woman
to put my groceries in the bags under my eyes.

I drank my sixpack away.

My toenails are the size of plates.
I eat fish off them.

There is so much tartar on my teeth
I don't need sauce.

I have a map of the city on the back of my hand.

Haiku: Girlfriend

I have a girlfriend
Her name translates to single
Her name is Uni

A Few Things About Circles

Circles are curious.

When circles mate they look like Venn Diagrams.

Ovals are baby circles, they get more circular with age.

Obese circles are called spheres.

Spirals are old circles.

Circles don't wear shirts.

Short Play 5

1: How’s uni going? I heard you’re doing a lot of papers.

2: I dropped a couple.

1: Why?

2: I couldn’t handle them.

1: Oh-

2: See what I did there?

1: What?

2: ‘Dropped’ a couple because I couldn’t ‘handle’ them.

1 turns into a snowman.

1: Haha.

2 pulls the carrot nose from 1’s face and starts eating it.

2: Don’t stick your nose up at me, you’re studying film.

Bed

The phrase ‘climbed into bed’
doesn’t make any sense,
unless you have a bunk bed
or you’re a midget or something.

And if you are a midget
you probably have a mini
bed. So that still doesn't work.

What I achieved today

Short Play 4

1: Can I have your attention please.

Fifteen seconds of silence.

2: Are you going to do anything?

1: No.

2: Then why should I give you my attention?

1: Everyone needs some attention every now and then.